


Ready, Set, Date!

by bioloyg



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amazing Sam, Crack, Fluff, Getting Together, I guess idk man, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Pre-Slash, Rhodey is amazing, Samtember, Speed Dating, Winter Falcon, bucky pov, i still don't know how to tag things, implied NatSharon, tell me if i'm missing anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 10:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8099524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioloyg/pseuds/bioloyg
Summary: Bucky wants to sleep, Natasha wants to find him a date for Steve's wedding (so he'll leave her alone), and Sam is the best thing about this whole speed dating disaster. But, Sam's not in the speed date rotations - he's at a different table weathering through dates just like Bucky is.~"Three dates in, Bucky decides he has made one of the worst decisions in all of his life by coming here. His first date had been an attractive enough man by the name of Greg. He introduces himself as “The Big G,” to which Sam laughs at in the middle of introducing himself to his own date. Greg likes to talk about cars a lot, which is fine. Bucky also likes cars. The only problem is that Greg’s love for cars borders on… erotic."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back again with another short fic! This is another prompt fill for both my 100 follower celebration and Samtember that was given to me by [2k15fuckedmeup](http://2k15fuckedmeup.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Uh, idk what to say this time bc I kept hyping this up on tumblr but it's pretty short, sweet, and to the point. Sam is amazing, Bucky recognizes this immediately (as you do), and Rhodey is intimidating. Anyway I hope you enjoy it! I might have one more thing up my sleeve for Samtember/Sam's B-day Bash, so if you wanna know what all that is about then come find me on tumblr at my [marvel side blog](http://zamnwilson.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Also I just want to say thank you to you guys, I actually just reached 200 followers on my lil ol' side blog and that's super snazzy.

Natasha stands in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, the perfect image of grace. Y’know, if Eyelash Vipers were considered elegant. She twists her lips to one side and lifts a neatly manicured eyebrow, then taps her arm with a single finger as if having made a decision. “You’re hopeless,” she finally says.

She pushes herself off the doorframe and puts her hands on her hips. It’s a little nerve wracking. Bucky isn’t sure if it’s the fact that she’s wearing all black that makes her intimidating or that she walks in four inch heels like they’re as comfortable as sneakers. Maybe it’s both.

Nat grimaces, the expression worsening the longer she looks at Bucky, and asks, “What happened to Brad? I thought you two were getting along pretty well.”

Bucky looks up from where he was comparing t-shirts and raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t even say a word, just stares at her because she should remember this conversation. They’ve had it before.

She snorts and heads toward his closet, starts rooting around like it’s _her_ closet. “That bad, huh?”

Bucky lets out a short laugh. “You could say that.”

“I thought you two ended up having sex in the back of your car after Steve’s birthday party?” Her voice is muffled by the stacks of shirts and jackets.

Again, Bucky has to keep himself from laughing. “We did, but it wasn’t that great.”

Nat turns around and says, “Of course not, you did it in a car.”

“No it wasn’t even that,” Bucky begins as he throws himself onto his bed. He doesn’t even care that he’s lying on top of a pile of shirts. This speed dating thing is bound to blow up in his face anyway, so he’s not exactly stressed about looking perfect for it. “It was like – I don’t know. I couldn’t focus on it. I had this banana bread in the back and all I could think about was going home so I could have some.”

Nat stops rummaging through Bucky’s closet as Bucky says, “And he was trying to be sexy by asking me what I wanted as he was kissing me, but I was so over it that all I could think was, _my fucking banana bread, that’s what._ ”

Nat lets out a sharp and obnoxious laugh. “No wonder he dumped your ass.”

“Good riddance,” Bucky says, blasé. “The guy thought hair pulling was like, second to none. The absolute best of all kinks. And not me pulling _his_ hair, pulling _mine_.”

Nat tilts her head and squints at Bucky. “That reminds me, what the hell are you gonna do with your hair for this?”

“What do you mean? My hair is fine like it is.”

“When’s the last time you washed it?” Nat says, looking down at him. “A week ago? It looks like it’s _wet_.”

Bucky groans. “I don’t even wanna go speed dating, why do I have to wash my hair for it? Why am I even _going_?”

“You need a date for Steve’s wedding,” she intones.

“Why can’t I go stag?”

“Because you’ll throw off the line up. You really wanna be the only one in the pictures without a date?”

Bucky frowns. “ _Sharon’s_ going stag.”

Nat pauses and makes a face. It almost looks like she –

“Oh my god,” Bucky says when it clicks. “You totally fucked her again didn’t you?” When she doesn’t answer, Bucky sits up. “ _You **did**_!”

Nat balls up the shirt in her hands and chucks it at Bucky. “Shut _up_. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Who instigated it this time, you or her?”

Nat pushes him back into the bed by his face and goes to his dresser. “See, _this_ is why you need your own life. That way you’ll butt out of mine.”

“Sharon and Natasha sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Bucky laughs at his _amazing_ joke and says, “I think it’s cute, you two. Circling around each other whenever you’re in the same room. You should just date already; you obviously enjoy each other’s company. A lot. Repeatedly. Or so I’ve heard from you when you’re drunk.”

Nat turns around and throws a black henley at Bucky as well as a pair of jeans. And then a belt that Bucky has to duck out of the way of. He almost gets hit. “Wear that, pick up a nice wholesome boy, and never talk about my sex life again.” With that, she sashays out of the room.

~

Bucky picks at the buttons on his henley and shifts nervously in his seat. He’s not quite sure how Natasha got him out of the house in this. He hasn’t worn it since before he lost his left arm. It’s too tight and he doesn’t like the way it fits around the prosthetic. As soon as she left he rolled the sleeves up to the elbows. That makes him feel a little better until he realizes he doesn’t want his first impression to be, “ _that guy with the bionic arm._ ”

First off, he hates answering questions about it. Second, being the guinea pig that he is, he’s not allowed to discuss the prototype other than to mention its creation in _Stark Labs._ And that’s a contractual obligation.

Bucky frowns. Just thinking about it makes him nauseous. None of them care about his arm or his nightmares. They only care about money. He looks down at his sleeves and pushes them back down. He should’ve brought the glove. Nat said it makes him looks a little bit like a weird biker. Or one of those professional bowlers who takes it too seriously.

He heaves a sigh and scrubs his other hand over his chin. All the hair there is gone since Natasha made him shave, so the motion doesn’t have its usual sensory effect.

“You nervous?” asks a voice from beside him. It’s got a nice timbre, deep and smooth.

Bucky turns toward it and his next breath catches in his throat. He’s instantly jealous of all the men who get to rotate for the speed dates because the man at the table next to him is obscenely gorgeous. Someone Bucky would’ve went after when he was more confident.

The man’s eyes are this ridiculously rich shade of brown, and his cheekbones look like something you’d only see in a magazine. When he smiles at Bucky encouragingly a small gap in his teeth shows, and Bucky is done for.

He catches himself staring and says, “Yeah, actually. One of my best friends thought it would be funny to sign me up so I could get a date for my _other_ best friend’s wedding.”

The man laughs, and it’s a sound that Bucky could only describe as infectious. “Sounds like something a best friend would do.”

Bucky nods and looks down for a moment. He wants the conversation to keep going so he asks, “What about you?”

“Me?” The man smiles again, but this time it’s a little less light and a lot more annoyed. “Same as you, more or less. Friend signed me up.”

Bucky snorts. “What are friends for.”

The man chuckles. Just before the bell rings for their first round of dates he extends his hand and says, “The name’s Sam.”

“Bucky. Nice to meet you.”

~

Three dates in, Bucky decides he has made the one of the worst decisions in all of his life by coming here.

His first date had been an attractive enough man by the name of Greg. He introduces himself as “The Big G,” to which Sam laughs at in the middle of introducing himself to his own date. _Greg_ likes to talk about cars a lot, which is fine. Bucky also likes cars. The only problem is that Greg’s love for cars borders on… erotic? As soon as he finds out Bucky’s left arm was drafted into existence by Tony Stark himself, he proceeds to drawl on and on about Tony’s extensive collection of gorgeous automobiles. Luckily for Sam, their dates are rotating clockwise, and he’s to Bucky’s left.

Bucky turns to Sam when the bell to rotate rings and whispers, “That’s who you get to finish your speed dating experience with.”

Sam closes his eyes and sighs.

Date number two is a man named Chad. Bucky hates the name Chad. It’s 95% personal experience, and 5% because he just plain doesn’t like the name. Chad is obviously nervous, so is Bucky, but Chad’s nervousness manifests in the form of nail biting. This is also something that Bucky can understand, but Chad spends the entire five-minute date mumbling past each finger his teeth are wrapped around. Add to that the fact that he spits each nail out on the table and well – yeah…

This time Sam turns to Bucky when the bell rings and says, “I got all the nails from his left hand. You want those, or are you good with your half?”

Bucky lets out a laugh that turns into a groan. “I think I’ll pass.”

“They say having the full set makes it more valuable.”

Bucky turns to Sam only to roll his eyes.

Date number three seems promising. He’s got nice green eyes and his name is Tommy. Not the best name, but Bucky can deal. Everything’s going great until the words, “You’re really cute for a guy missing an arm. It’s always inspiring to see you guys going about your daily lives like nothing is wrong,” come out of his mouth.

Even Sam stops in the middle of speaking. He actually looks like he might say something, but Bucky gets to it first and says, in a voice so rigid nothing but the frustration shows, “ _Thanks_. I’ve always wondered what it was like for people who are missing feet.”

“Why?”

“Oh, you don’t know? I could’ve sworn you were missing one of yours since it’s so clearly not in your mouth where it _should_ be.”

When the bell rings and Tommy sheepishly slinks away, Sam says, “You ever get a feeling about someone?”

Bucky nods. “Usually. He seemed okay though.”

Sam shakes his head and looks in the direction Tommy went. “As soon as he mentioned his, ‘black friend,’ I knew there was something wrong with him.”

Dates four, five, and six aren’t much better. In fact, all of them are horrible in their own unique ways. One of them follows in Tommy’s footsteps and tells Bucky that, “everything happens for a reason,” when Bucky kindly explains what happened in his accident despite wanting to avoid it. One of the others comes on a little too strong and puts Bucky on edge, and the last in the list seems interested in everything _but_ Bucky.

It’s gotten to the point where, when something awful happens, he’ll just turn to Sam. Half the time Sam is already cringing, which makes sense since he’s gotten all of these dates before Bucky. So far, Sam is the only good thing about this experience, and that makes it _worse_ , because Bucky isn’t on a date with Sam. He’s speed dating some of the worst people in the world.

Though, it’s not surprising that such a large concentration of them would show up to speed date. Bucky’s not sure what that says about him. Probably nothing good.

Date nine is where it all goes to shit. The thing is, it’s not Bucky’s date that’s a problem, it’s _Sam’s_. In the hour or so Bucky has been here, Sam hasn’t laughed more than a handful of times, and the ones he’s offered up were stilted in comparison to the sounds he’s making right now. Whoever this Rhodey guy is, he seems to be hilarious. Bucky feels like he’s missing out on something.

He tells himself not to eavesdrop, it’s not his date, he should focus on his own. But, Dean is stale and stuffy, and Bucky just can’t seem to make himself get into it. At the end of date nine when Dean gets up with a terse nod, Bucky turns and sees Sam reading something from a napkin with a mischievous smile. He clenches his teeth and turns back just in time to see _Rhodey_ sit down.

Bucky plasters on his best shit eating grin and holds out his hand. “Hey, how are you doing tonight?”

Rhodey grabs it and shakes. It’s a firm handshake, not too tight or loose. The kind of handshake that demands respect, but earned it in advance. Bucky’s palm sweats almost instantly. The guy looks like he’s made for TV. One of those roguishly handsome news anchors that you catch yourself lingering on. His suit is twice as nice as any of theirs though, and Bucky immediately feels underdressed.

“Pretty well actually. I thought this was going to be a lot worse than it is. I’m James, by the way.”

Bucky snorts. “I, uh – I’m also James. You can call me Bucky though.” Inside, he wants to scream. It’s bad enough that the guy is all commanding and attractive, but his name is James _too_?

James Prime, the better one who already has Sam’s affections, says, “You can call me Rhodey if it’s weird for you.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Bucky lies through his teeth. “So, tell me about yourself.”

Rhodey smiles, and even that is unfortunately perfect. “Well, I’m an aerospace engineer, I’m 47, I have two dogs, and I like to cook in my spare time.”

 _Jesus Christ_. _Two dogs, Engineering, **and** he can cook? I’m fucking screwed._

Bucky’s eyebrows reach the ceiling and all he can say is, “Wow. Aerospace Engineering?”

Rhodey smirks. “That’s just a fancy way of saying spaceship designer.”

“I don’t know, spaceship designer still sounds pretty fancy.” Bucky sure as hell thinks it does, anyway. He _loves_ space. If he wasn’t already vying for Sam he’d be sorely tempted to get Rhodey’s number, at the very least for an interesting conversation. “So do you work for NASA, or?”

“No,” Rhodey says with a chuckle. “I _wish_. I work for a private company that makes space crafts for the military.”

“And you’re _here_ , speed dating…”

Rhodey smiles again and waves a hand through the air. “It is what it is. What about you; what do you do?”

Bucky takes in a deep breath and leans back. “That’s a loaded question.”

“Is it now?” Rhodey says as he clasps his hands together, leaning in as if he’s interested.

Bucky looks back up into his eyes and loses himself for a moment, but when he snaps out of whatever _that_ was he says, “I tutor kids in mathematics, so nothing nearly as glamorous as you. I, unfortunately, do _not_ have a dog. I have a very stubborn and aloof cat that my niece named Skittles. However, I _do_ cook, and relatively well if my friends are to be believed.”

That earns him a throaty laugh. “What’s your favorite thing to cook?”

Bucky looks up, thinking about it for a moment. “Chicken Parm. It’s simple enough, but really underrated.”

“Mm. A classic.”

“What about you?” Bucky asks, and he finds himself genuinely curious for a moment. He shoves that to the side and scolds himself for fraternizing with the enemy.

Rhodey takes a deep breath and breathes out with a hum. “Lately I’ve been trying to recreate one of my favorite dishes. This Thai place I used to go to all the time packed up shop, and I’ve been hurtin’ ever since.”

It goes on like that for the next three minutes. James Prime is funny, charming, has great taste in both music and food, and is stunning. Bucky is trying really hard not to compare himself, but by the end of the speed date he feels woefully inadequate. Rhodey is the shining example of what someone would call, _Out of your League_. Rhodey’s got his own league. A self-made league that all the people in the previous league dropped to join.

Once the bell rings and Rhodey leaves (with a warm smile and thanks, no less), Bucky drops his head into his arms and lets out a heavy sigh.

“He’s great, right?” Bucky hears from beside him.

He looks up to find Sam standing beside him and no other dates in the immediate vicinity. Odd – wait, that’s right, there were only ten dates. Twenty people total. Rhodey was date number ten. Bucky stands up and lets out a shallow breath. “Yeah, he was great. _Perfect_ even.”

“Yep, that’s Rhodey for ya,” Sam says like he knows the guy. “Too bad he’s married.”

“ _What_?” Bucky’s eyebrows could not be further from his eyes even if they were removed.

 _Does_ Sam know him?

Sam grabs the blazer from behind his chair and slips it on. If he were to button it, Bucky is sure it would accentuate his waist perfectly. “Yep. Married with two dogs and a picture perfect life. He’s the friend that dragged me into this. He came along for moral support. His husband’s out of town for work and he was bored.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, dumbstruck. So if he’s Sam’s best friend, and married…

“Disappointed?” Sam asks as he buttons the blazer. Bucky was right, the thing fits Sam like a glove.

He considers Sam for a moment and thinks about Natasha’s parting advice: _You’ll never see these people ever again after this, so put yourself out there if you find one you like. Worse comes to worse, you get turned down and you both go back to your own lives._ With that in mind Bucky looks Sam in the eye and says, “No. I think I’m more relieved, if anything.”

The admission seems to surprise Sam. “Really? Why?”

Bucky takes a deep breath. “Because I wanted to ask you for your number, and I didn’t think I could compete with all _that_.”

Sam laughs. “I think you’ve got a lot more to offer than you think. I met some pretty weird people tonight. Besides, Rhodey is about ten years my senior and _stubborn_.”

Bucky sucks a breath in between his teeth, making a hissing sound. “Prepare to be let down.”

“I honestly don’t think you could be any worse than _Greg_ ,” Sam says.

“Is that a bet or are you saying you’d take my number if I gave it to you?” Bucky catches himself grinning at Sam and looks down to hide it.

Sam sticks his hands in his pockets and covers the distance between them. He waits until Bucky looks back up and says. “I don’t know, but you’d better make a decision quick. I think this speed date is almost up.”

Bucky pulls his phone from his pocket and hands it to Sam. “I hope I’ve made as lasting of an impression as Greg and Tommy.”

Shrugging, Sam says, “I don’t know, those guys were _pretty_ memorable.” He hands back the phone.

Bucky looks down at the contact and rubs his thumb over the screen, thinking. He looks up with a smirk and says, “Should I call this now, or wait until I get home to hear the rejection hotline?”

Sam rolls his eyes with a laugh then says, “You can do whatever you want. _I_ am gonna go get some pizza from this place down the block.” He starts to walk toward the door and turns around to say, “So, you can call me to give me your number, or you can come get pizza with me if you’re hungry.”

“Pizza definitely works,” Bucky answers, already trailing after Sam.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: that part where bucky is talking about wanting banana bread while someone is trying to fuck him is this bastardized version of a post from tumblr that I used as a pseudo-prompt and is the FUNNIEST thing in the world to me.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments if you feel so inclined<3


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